Steve's Nutshell Reviews! Part Four

An update!

Okay, here's some Nutshells for ya... They will be on the short side...

Also, it should be noted that I just rate games on fun now. All reviews out there get into the technical aspects, and sometimes I do too. However, for this installment I think I'll just babble about stuff for a short bit.



Blitzkrieg Anthology (pc)







A rather fun game (with some cool expansions that come with it) that is basically a very nicely done isometric RTS/RTT with reinforcements, cool WWII units and such. I had a lot of fun with it and it's very pretty. Not much else to say.
8.2/10



Blitzkrieg 2 (pc)






A gorgeous RTT (that's Real Time Tactical) game with an actual faux 3D effects. Though you need a good machine to run it, it's well worth it for the wargamer out there. A bit more involving for the casual wargame enthusist, B2 delivers a better package than it's great predecessor. All and all, an excellent addition to the collection.
8.9/10



Freelancer (pc)








Like spacehip-sims? Like space combat? You'll love this. Fast paced space combat game with some trading involved. Highly engrossing and well done. Sorta gets boring and repetitive after awhile, though.
8.3/10



Legacy of Kain: Defiance (xbox)






I want my $15 back, motherfuckers.
Jesus... static camera angles that suck, gameplay that is difficult for no reason, a lame story. It looks nice, though. Still sucks. No pun intended.
A pox on its creators.
2.9/10



Pool of Radiance: Ruins of Myth Drannor (pc)






This game could have been rad. Instead, we are treated to lingering bugs, slow game play and a re-hash of the original PoR storyline from like 1988 or something. Argh. I love D&D, but I really had to focus to keep any interest in this game. The Game Stop employee that told me this game was awesome is one of two things: A fucking liar who needs to be raped by wild donkeys or he is severly mentally challenged and has the power to not appear to be so. I'll go with option one as I hate to insult mentally challenged sorts by comparing them to... that.
All in all not terrible, but it could have been much, much better.
5.9/10



The Punisher (pc)






Are you a sadistic maniac? Really? Me, too! You get to play as Frank Castle in this 3rd person bloodfest. Stalk your enemies, torture your enemies, kill your enemies in a variety of ways. The torture bits are quite fun and some of those unique kill spots are awesome. Great voice acting, retardedly entertaining story. This got a lot of flack for it's dull game design etc. I loved it! Scores average on the innovation meter, but high on Steve's Fun Meter of Doom.
8.5/10



Rome: Total War (pc)







Holy SHIT. This is one of the best games of all time! It's like Civ III or IV meets crack with awesome realtime 3D battles thrown in. The only downside is that's there's no real-time naval battles... Still, this game almost wrecked my marriage (well, not really... but I spent a lot of time with it and still do), and it was an anniversary gift from my wife... hehehe.
Beautiful, awesome, terrific game... Turn-base strategy with rad battle. Fun to the extreme *metal salute*.
11/10



Star Wars: Battlefront (xbox)






This game is exactly as they said it would be: fun. You get to run around as Rebels or Empire, CIS (Droids) or Republic and kill your buddies. Good vehicle action. Best on the console (didn't like it as much on the pc. You can play in first or third person. Decent campaign mode. Good split-screen play. Drecky online play.
Overall an enjoyable game, with some flaws that don't kill the amusement overall. Although, I have to say, there is little point in playing anything but the standard troop type.
7.9



Strategic Command (pc)








A simple turn-based WWII strat game for all of you old wargamer grognards out there. It has very simple graphics and sound but solid gameplay... One of those games you can play by email. Some of the game elements seem wonky but it looks like they can be fixed with some patches. A good choice for strategy wargamers.
8.1/10



Sudden Strike II (pc)







If Blitzkrieg was a piece of shit then it would be Sudden Strike 2. This game has a lousy interface and even lousier visuals. The gameplay is so average it hurts. I'll seen better flash games on laundry detergent sites. Only the most desperate in need of an RTS (or RTT, rather) fix should play this... and that's if it's given to you as a present.
If someone gives this garbage to you, though: slap them.
Hard.
3.1/10



World of Warcraft (pc)






One of the best MMOs on the market today. It still couldn't hold my interest for more than a couple months. Pretty visuals, excellent gameplay, and the griffon rides are SWEET... if you dig MMOs, give it a try. Be warned: Many tools play WoW.
8.8/10







That's all the slam-bang write-ups for now. I hope to add more soon... including some PnP (Paper n' Pencil games) reviews!

A follow-up already?

I want to go over and review my previous post from like October (concerning Xbox games forthcoming in November 2004).

As a matter of fact, I just added comments after each 'preview' comment.
Scroll down and enjoy. And stuff.
:)

(in XXXbox: Hot in November)

Holy Carp

It's been almost a year since I updated this thing? Does anyone even read it?
Well, it doesn't matter...

I have spending the last year playing quite a few awesome games... I plan to write up nutshell reviews on most of them... whether they are video games or paper and pencil rpgs.

Here's a list of what I want to cover (in no order whatsoever): Gothic, Gothic II, Pool of Radiance: Ruins of Myth Drannor, Psi-Ops, Star Wars: Battlefront, Temple of Elemental Evil, Medieval: Total War, Rome: Total War, Spartan, Blitzkrieg, Cossacks: Back to War, Cossacks II, Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay 2nd Edition, Europa 1400, Various d20 and D&D books, Stronghold, Stronghold Crusader, Codename Panzers Phase Two, Divine Divinity, Rise of Nations Gold Edition, Freelancer, World of Warcraft, Strategic Command, Sudden Strike II, No Man's Land, Legacy of Kain: Defiance, The Suffering, Dungeon Siege II, the Dungeons & Dragons board game and many others. Not to mention a bunch of upcoming games like Warfront, Blitzkrieg 2, D&D Online, Neverwinter Nights 2, Titan Quest, Spartan: Total War, RTW Barbarian Invasion Expansion, Gothic 3 and, once again, many others.

You know what this all means?
That I am a total geek and have no life!
:P

Anyhow, I hope to update this blog more frequently...

Out.

XXXboX: Hot In November...

If you happen to own an Xbox, this next month of November should prove to be quite the thirty-day-blow-all-yer-damned-money-time-period.

If you happen to own a PS2, go buy an Xbox.

All I know is, come Post-Halloween Season, my wife is going to kill me...if she can find me.
There are many, many spectacular releases due soon...here, allow me to share...

11/2: Lord of the Rings 'The Third Age'
Immersive, turn-based RPG that is supposed to kick some major ass. Lots of good hypeola surrounding this one. Good way to kick off the month, I'd say.

(Edited to add c. 9/15/05: This game was one big let-down. Jesus. It's Final Fantasy dreck with a bad coat of LOTR spray-paint. Boooooo! EA can eat me.)

11/9: HALO 2
If I need to say more, kill yourself.

(ETA: Dear Bungie/Microsoft, Fun Game! Until it suddenly ended. WTF, over? $50 for a few hours? Well, at least Multiplay rules... except for all those Xbox Live morons that secure the fact that I won't play online... well, on Live at least ;) )

11/15: GoldenEye 'Rogue Agent'
FPS. Online. Be the baddie and wipe off Bond's shitty grin with his all of his buddy's vital fluids.? Kill other baddies too? Fuck yeah, sign me up!

(ETA: This was an EA game, right? Goddamn, did this game blow. I was all excited for it, too. I actually returned it. It sucked that bad. I even kept Mace Griffin and a bunch of other crappy games... But this one was terrible. Ugh.)

11/16: Prince of Persia 'Warrior Within'
Much anticipated sequel to 'Sands of Time', one of the best games ever made. Supposed to be more violent and may even carry an "M" rating. Sweet.

(ETA: This one could have been better, but was a great game nonetheless... Not AS awesome as I thought it would be, but still... nice work.)

11/16: Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell 'Chaos Theory'
Jumpin' baby jesus, this is supposed to be even better than the last two. It will also sport a nice co-op mode. I've seen it with my own eyes, and it's worth all the hyperbole being thrown at it. Excellent series; probably won't disappoint.

(ETA: Finally, a game on the list that lives up to the hype. Good times, good times. I got the PC version... But I have played it on the seXbox. Awesome game. 11/10. Nice work, Ubisoft.)

11/17: Call of Duty 'Finest Hour'.
Call of Duty is one of the best PC titles EVER. Now this hot FPS is being brought to the Xbox. Different maps, roles and such, but promised to have the same fuckin-A-visceral game-play. I just peed myself at the thought of Call of Duty on me 'Box! Amen. (It better be great, goddamnit! Or Gnomes will DIE!)

(ETA: Gnomes died. Ball dropped badly IMO. I mean, it's not terrible, or anything... but still... eh. Lame.)

11/30: Tom Clancy's 'Ghost Recon 2'
I have played this game. Well, a demo anyway. It rules. It's like Ghost Recon meets Socom II on datenight...the result is one helluva good time. First and third person modes, more intuitive interface, dazzling graphics, great co-op and online modes. This is the Ghost Recon I've been waiting for. This is the Socom-killa you will chuck your PS2 for.
(And if I have to eat my words on this one, I'm sending drunken ninjas to go kick some French ass.)

(ETA: Not a SOCOM killer, but rather a SOCOM identical cousin. Could have been better... I still enjoy GR1 over this one (even though GR2 is a more updated, fresh game). Could have been better, but still a great game)

Any predictions I have made are subject to change or future interpretation.

(ETA: NO SHIT. Damn... I'm quite a bit more jaded now. Thanks!)


Now, I know I didn't cover ALL of the cool Xbox games coming out in November. The above mentioned are the games I am stoked about. Maybe I'll add another installment to this. Or add a comment yourself if you care.
Or set woodland creatures on fire.
Ok, don't do that.

'Till next time...

Steve's Nutshell Reviews! Part Three...

Wow... It's been a little awhile since I updated this thing...
Let's get cracking then.

Reviews...The not so long and short of it!


Dead or Alive 3 (Xbox) - Very sweet fighting game. Nice backdrops, destructable terrain and hot video game women...Huh!? Yeah. Two words: Breast Physics. A must own if you got an Xbox and like fighters. Lacking on any story though...In a FIGHTER!? SAY IT AIN'T SO!!!
8.9

The Great Escape (Xbox/PS2) - I love and own the movie. I own and hate this game. What a let down. Clipping problems, bad collision detection, lousy controls/response and an AI that makes piss-drunken cheerleaders look like Jet Li. Ack. Why...Why was this...Thing...Released? It could have been a good game.
Maybe.
2.9

Full Spectrum Warrior (Xbox) - interesting. I read all the hype about this game and it somehow got past me that FSW is not a shooter. Strange. Okay, so it's a tactical squad based game but strategically controlled. You control a couple of teams but really aren't there...Your teams do what they're told. It kinda works actually...FSW feels like an RTS meets something like Rainbow Six 3. Great graphics, dialogue, gameplay. Computer controlled enemy is pretty sharp. Fun Online play. Outstanding music score. My issues is that this hybrid game didn't seem so, uh, fun at times. The interface takes some getting used to. May be on the slow side to some. Personal issue? I dunno. Best played with any Tom Clancy game as back-up.
8.6
(if FSW hadn't been SO shoved down my throat, it might have rated an 8.9 or higher... I hate bein' let down, even kinda)

I, Ninja (Xbox) - At first this game was a hoot! Then getting the dorky little ninja with the big head around on those balls got old real fucking quick. Great ideas in places, super repetitive platformer action that will only really appeal to and please those that have problems like brain damage. Still, it can be entertaining... So it gets a sorta ok score.
5.8

Brute Force (Xbox) - Team based sci-fi 3rd person shooter. Gameplay is easy to learn and very fun. Story is cliche and dead average. Can play with three other players, if you like the little screens or you can control all four characters yourself. I found this release to be a bit on the easier side. There is no online multiplayer support. WHAT!? I know. Still, I managed to enjoy this game...Not THAT much, though.
7.1

Mace Griffin: Bounty Hunter (Xbox) - I wanted to like this game. I really, really did. Instead, I got left with the want to write a reem of a review about how this game fucked me. It's not finbished. There. The story needs LOTS of work, the voice acting is worse than Unreal 2, and the main character calls himself Ranger through the whole thing...who the heck is Mace Griffin then? Henery Rollins did the main guy's voice...yay? Yeah, that sucked to. Oh, the gameplay? That was ok, and the stand-out here. However, that's like someone shooting you in the head while you are dying in a fire. A sorta good thing in a whole mess of bad. Sure, you can seemlessly go from turrets to the 1st person shooter mode to a vehicle for some space combat. Too bad the vehicle mode blows, and sometimes I think they made the game too hard in spots...just to make it intresting. But then the rest of the game is easier than a hooker in Bangkok. Bottom line: this game needed to be in development for another 3-6 months. At least I got it cheap.
4.7




More to come soon :)

Solid Shite Eater (Metal Gear Rant)

Am I the only gamer out there that thinks the Metal Gear Solid series is, well, LAME?
Oh.
Sorry...
Allow me to be objective: It sucks balls.

The game-play is merely okay...and for an abundantly hyped series/franchise that is supposed to be some awesome espionage-military-stealth-action thriller, complete with zealous fanboys & girls, it's all pretty kiddy cutesy shit to me. The stories, to use that word VERY loosely, are convoluted wannabe-hack garbage. The voice acting is god-awful. I can't say anything about the Japanese counterpart, but I wouldn't be surprised if it sucks as well. The missions are really silly, inane, or just plain stupid. The characters lack any depth (not that it should really matter in this kind of game). Sometimes the characters can lack clothes, but that's almost a highlight amidst all the torture this game series presents. And what's with all these fanboys goin' on and on about Metal Gear Solid 3 or Snakeater or whateverthefuck it's called? I saw the trailer. Here, I'll sum it up for you: Ass. It's ass, ok? I don't care if you get to play Solid Snake in the 60s and he gets to eat animals to survive and wear croc-camo. wooo. hooo. Look how excited I am.

*yawn*

I'm sure some of you...Or, perhaps to my chagrin, many of you, will disagree with me. You may want to say 'Metal Gear is awesome and you just don't get it, Steve!' Or maybe something more creative and/or suave and/or intelligent. That's cool. I don't care. Metal Gear is stupid. The first one was ok, but I was like in Junior High then (I think) and back then we took whatever we could get game-wise. Now, there is no excuse for crappy game-mechanics and sloppy/shoddy/terrible writing. And dreadful scary dialogue that makes me want to take a shower after listening to it...it's SO bad.
And just WHO the FUCK calls a character 'Ocelot'? Or 'Liquid Snake'? Or even 'Solid Snake'? Oh and there are many more...I'm expecting Herr TotenMarmot to pop up ANYTIME.
Jesus.
Otacon? What the hell is an Otacon? Is it a name? A code-word? A rare river parasite only found in the Amazon?
I could go on and on.
All the stories to the games, as stated before, suck. Badly. Except 'Sons of Liberty'. Now that sucked, mind you, but it was WEIRD, too! Bizarre! And...And...Just plain convoluted.
See? I've used the word convoluted twice- no, THREE times now. This has to stop. Well, the Metal Gear Series, yeah. But I mean this rant has to stop before my head, or some other body-part explodes.

Take Care of Yerselves,
Steven

Steve's Nutshell Reviews! Part Two...

Continuing with all that nutshelliness...

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (Xbox/PC) - Star Wars rpg that takes place like 4000 years before Episode 4. One of the finest pc rpgs ever made. Probably the best rpg for the Xbox! Light side, dark side, you're the guy/gal with the lightsaber. Excellent game-play mechanics and story from those awesome individuals at Bioware. Appeals to those who even hate Star Wars and/or rpgs. Bioware kicks ass...yet again. Buy this damned game!
9.7

The Elder Scrolls 3: Morrowind, Game of the Year Addition (Xbox) - Also made for PC but have't played that version. Great role-playing game...one of the best out there. Deep story, plot, etc...lots of reading to be done though. Not for everyone. Many find it's non-linear game-play to be confusing or long or directionless or whatever. I loved it. Hundreds of hours of play here. The GotY Edition has the Bloodmoon and Tribunal expansions. Check it out... I may give this game a very high rating, but many people would disagree and say they hate it. Oh and it can be buggy...that cost it some points...
8.9

Icewind Dale II (PC) - Follow up to Icewind Dale (which I have never played) , this is a fast-paced, fun, well-rounded party-based D&D rpg hack/slash/bash a lot type game. Much like the Baldur's Gate series...the old engine still seems to run well. Nothing innovative or original. Pure entertainment, though! Recommended.
8.2

Unreal Tournament 2004 (PC) - Wow, and there I was thinkin' how UT2k3 could be topped. Better, faster, awesome assault mode, vehicles and just plain pretty. This fps will kick yer arse so hard, your Mom's teeth will feel it. Decent single player mode with no story...basically just practice for multiplayer goodness. Well worth the money!
9.1

Unreal Championship (Xbox) - Decent port of Unreal Tournament series from the pc. Best played in multiplayer, as there really is no story and single player mode is just over-glorified rehersal for online ass-handing. Fun, but doesn't stand out like it's pc Daddy. Woth your time if you don't have UT for pc and want a console version. No co-op/splitscreen play...huh? That's almost to be expected with console fps games... Still, game-play is good, the graphics are good, game runs fine and stuff. Not bad, not bad.
7.9

Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six 3 (Xbox) - Fps squad based. I was really excited to play this...too bad the AI isn't. Alright version of the acclaimed pc series. Don't get me wrong, this game rules in multiplayer, just kinda is weak in the one-person mode dept. Kept having problems with my AI teammates running into my line of fire...or running over right to where I threw a grenade. Maybe they're depressed. Like the pc version, the missions are of the uninspired 'defuse bomb' and 'secure/rescue hostage' sort. Yawn. Story is of the 'I need to make deadline, here's an action thingy' sort. Thus this game is placed into the just-above-average-sort. It's still a great time-killer, there's just better game out there. Not at all what I hoped for...but still good...well, ok...well, good...well...you know.
7.2

Planescape: Torment (PC) - One of the most original and entertaining pc rpgs ever! You start off as a dead guy with no memory with only a floating skull to guide you in an inter-planar place called Sigil. This is a D&D ruleset game, much like (you guessed it!) Baldur's Gate. The writing is fantasic, and the graphics are still good, even though this is a few years old now. It should be considered a crime not to play this game... 'Nuff said.
9.8


That's it for this installment of Steve's Nutshell Reviews. Feel free to comment!

Steve's Nutshell Reviews! Part One...

As I don't want to waste time writing soaring, witty, banal or whatever-way-it-comes-oot-of-my-ass reviews for eveything I have ever playing, I thought it might be nice to do some 'nutshell reviews'. Basically the game title, platform I played it on, some info and an assignned overall rating. Any other info can be easily Googled, I'm sure.
They're in no particular order...


Neverwinter Nights (PC) - Amazing rpg game-play with merely ok graphics. Dungeons & Dragons 3.0 ruleset. Made by Bioware. DM client allows for close approximation to paper/pencil/dice old school version. Tool-set allows for thousands of player made modules, mods, worlds or whatever. I love this game.
9.8

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (Xbox) - Arguably the best multi-platform game of 2003. Stunning game-play and graphics. Run on walls, flip & jump in combat, figure out many puzzles that aren't lame, killer story and voicework. This game has it all, as well as what seems to be the unique feature of changing time (slowdown, rewind, etc). Very cool. A must get!
9.8

Return to Castle Wolfenstein: Tides of War (PC/Xbox) - Good looking and fast paced FPS. Nazi cyborg zombies. What more do you need to know? Kick mucho goosestepping ass in this decently written and acted game. Great multiplayer, too. More goodness from the guys at ID. PC version slightly differnet than Xbox...but nothing drastic (differnet beginning level). A fun one to get yer kill on to.
9.2

Chronicles of Riddick: Escape From Butcher Bay (Xbox) - What's with all these long titles? Awesome game. Good acting (has Cole Hauser Ron Pearlman, Xzibit, and VinDiesel). Stealthy FPS. Play as Riddick as you fight your way out of the worst sump-hole max lockup in the galaxy in this prequel to the fine movie Pitch Black. Probably has better writing than that or it's sequel. No multiplayer and pretty short (10 hrs max) with little replay value, though. Still, this comes highly recommended.
8.9

Dungeons & Dragons Heroes (Xbox) - 1-4 player same screen hack n' slash glee ala Baldur's Gate meets Diablo and Dungeon Siege. A top-down view game I actually like! It can blow in multiplayer, however ('Hey, dick, we're goin' THIS way!'...'Hey! That's MY fat loot, bitch!' etc). Play as 4 standard classes with stats. Customise as you go alond with a bastardised version of the 3.0 ruleset (from what I'm guessing, anyway). Fun game, to be sure. Play at leisure but no risk...well, maybe a bit on the addictive side (one-player wise, that is).
8.2

Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel (Xbox) - Yet another reason to HATE the Snowblind engine. I'm a huge Fallout fan. Who isn't? But this release needs to have someone shot for making it. Total garbage. Almost an ok game...which is worse than being terrible in my book. Crappy interface, lousy story and piss-poor attempts at what I can only assume what 'they' deem as 'humour'. Bad, very bad. I think others have favourbly reviewed this game because they cannot let the coolness of the Fallout series go. It is better to eat this game than play it. That is unless you like being pissed off shooting bad renderings of rad-scorpions all day wondering why you couldn't get work writing stories for video games back in the third grade. This game plain sucks monkey balls. Though I do think it's mildly funny that a prostitute character shares the name of an eville ex of mine. That's the only positive thing I can say...
2.0

Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon (PC/Xbox) - This here is one of my favourite games ever. Tactical squad based shooter. Lead your Green Berets around in some decent looking Eastern European locales in the year 2008. Meet nice, armed, smart AI people. Kill them. Oh and do some mission stuff too. This game does have it's flaws. The interface is clunky, and sometimes the graphics could be much better (unless Russians somehow master the art of stick camo in the future...hmmm). Still, this is one solid game. Oh, the fun to be had and the stuff to unlock. Lots o' fun online, too. Regardless of it's flaws, this games gets scored high.
9.1



Well, it's late. I have many more nutshell reviews to do here and there.
Thanks for reading!

-Steven-

What's this?

Hello.
What the hell are you reading this for?
Oh. Yeah.
Anyways, I wanted to write up a blog-thing on a regular basis to give my thoughts (and hopefully others), recommendations and/or searing hatred and spite for games (and it's corresponding stuff) of all types...but primarily video games, paper/pencil rpgs and table-top wargames.
I figure this will be easier than people I know asking me all the time...hehe.

Ratings are easy to figure out: 1-10. 1 lowest, 10 highest. Simple. Everyone's doin' it.

Wanna leave a suggestion or comment? Fine. Great. That's awesome...but just know I'll delete anything that is insulting or inane. See, I love opinions...even ones, sometimes especially ones, that differ with mine. So, it's ok to disagree with me...but flame/off. Or whatever elite 'hax0r' way you want to put it.

Yup. There. That's all you need to know. Game on, muthafuckas.